Shopping!!

Hey Ang! We have to go shopping together for wedding attire. Lets see if we can do some more research soon so we can get that part of things out of the way. Yeah!!!

It's gonna be ok...

Ang- I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. But stay strong. You are a strong woman and you know you will overcome this. The school system is not supporting the good ones – and you are definitely one of the good ones. We will find something for you. We will research everything we need to and we'll make the move that is necessary to bring happiness back in your life.

For now, keep breathing. I'll come over this week to wrap gifts. Wednesday night?

Don't worry :)
Love you,
-Pao

The job search is on

No, I haven't quit my job, but I've decided to start looking for a new one. I don't know what's going to happen as of this moment; next year I may simply end up in a different classroom at a different school, but I'm open to more than that. I'd be interested in alternative classrooms, alternative locations, but I'm also interested in exploring other fields that could use my skill sets. This is not an easy decision to make, but I'm thoroughly compelled that life is too short and this is no way to be living. It's one thing to feel challenged at a job, it's another to feel mentally and emotionally demolished every day. I can't stand myself. I'm a sad, depressed, and angry person. I daily want to lash out and strike children. Sounds funny, but it brings me to tears every day to know that it took everything in me to hold back from hurting a child. That's not me. It's not who I want to be. I can't serve anyone this way. In truth, I can hardly get out of bed. Please give me a hand. You all know me. Keep your eyes and ears peeled, and let me know if you hear of any opportunities you think would suit me. I'm ready to have a job where I can feel good about myself and be happy.

Engagement party!

Here are Pao and Chris at their engagement party!

Hey guys, if you have more on your digital, post up!

Catching up...pretty Paola

Several weeks ago, Mom and Dad came by to say hello, and while they were here we took care of some wedding business. Well, mostly Paola and Chris took care of wedding business with them, I just tagged along a few times to spout my opinion and hide in the background of pictures. I was there while Paoli tried on dress after dress, looking beautiful in all of them! (except for a hilarious number found at David's Bridal, hehe. Do not get me started with the song!) Anyway, here's a little tease, and no of course it's not the one she picked! This is all you get... for now... but rest assured THE ONE is gorgeous. When she saw it, she knew it, and she looked absolutely stunning.

Report Card Conferences!

It's funny how my kids don't realize I'm as anxcious about report card conferences as they are! Even though I've never had one go badly, and can only remember one that was difficult because I had to tell a very caring family that their child was still struggling his second time in first grade. The last couple of days I've been meeting with parents, and all went very well... except one. Thank goodness this man showed up with his wife, because at least she was reasonable, but she also "new her place," if you know what I mean. Now, I think it's pretty safe to say that even though I can become frustrated or upset, it really takes a great deal to make me flat out angry. (You're the people who know me best, so feel free to challenge that statement. For now let's assume we all agree it's true.) I won't get into all the details of our interaction, but let me back up and tell you that this man has disliked me from day one. He is a guy who grew up attending our school and now has several kids attending, and thinks he owns the place. (My principal would have him thinks he owns the place, so why wouldn't he?) He has often interrupted my class and demanded my attention when my children weren't ready to part with it, something I find extremely aggravating. He has made remarks on more than one occasion which were intended to question and challenge my authority as a teacher. And has, in general, been an absolute...excuse me, shithead. I hate him. There are very few living things in this world which i hate, but he is most certainly one of them. I hate him and his icky pock-marked face! Oooh now I'm getting nasty. Anyway, pock-face came in tonight expecting nothing but praise and adoration for his son, didn't get it, and proceded to raise his voice at me, question my grading system, and fight me about his son's grades. Mind you, he didn't have bad grades, they were simply average, which is unacceptable in his household. Guess what buddy, take it up with your son, jerk. I managed to keep my cool, but towards the end deffinitely got an edge in my voice. I developed a "tone," shall we say. I was so mad I started shaking from the inside out and I had to clasp my hands together as tight as I could to try to keep my body still. That mad. Not many people can physically affect me in that way, but he managed it, and I hate him for it. His boy is great, but he probably wants jr. out of my class as much as I never want to see sr. ever again. After he left, I had three more conferences before I was free to come home and let it out. Thanks for reading. I love you.

politics

i'm so disillusioned. you might think i'm referring to the current state of our nation, but that's not it... though not too far removed. it's the schools, and the teaching career in particular. i hate, and i mean that as forcefully as i can possibly muster the word, hate that i can apparently achieve nothing based on the merits of my work ethic or my skills as an educator. it's all based on seniority, who's been there longest, even if they've managed to be a jerk the entire time. and if you're not a member of the right clique you're screwed. it doesn't help knowing the union reps are so cliquey that you can't trust them to advise you without their buddy's interests in mind. sorry, my mistake, i thought i was equally represented. after all, my dues are taken out of my check every two weeks. whatever. anyway, i'm feeling pretty confident in my skills, so i can say with confidence that it won't be a difficult child that ever breaks me... but i'm not sure i can go through life knowing that the way i do the work i do will never grant me security in my job. all that matters is that i stick it out longer than the rest. the system is such that it encourages teachers to be catty, manipulative, and scheming against one another, always prepared to stab you in the back. i'm not joking or exaggerating. they will do anything to gain an upper hand. knowing how oppresive the system is i can't say that i blame them entirely, but i'll be damned if i stay long enough to be turned nasty and bitter like so many of them. i apologize for this negativity, but i need to vent, so thanks for letting me.

Iliana, donde estas?

no, en serio, donde estas??

Infections Suck Worse Than Rain... :(

So I got my blood drawn the other day — Wednesday I believe — to test me for any deficiencies. I'm convined I'm anemic. :) All weekend my upper arm feels like it is bruised. Like I pulled my biscep muscle, ya know? Immediately I switch into HOUSE mode. I am checking my armpit glands. poking and prodding my arm. and since nothing felt too crazy I let it go.

Boy that changed fast. I could barely reach for things. If they were two inches in front of me, on top of me, behind me... I felt it.

Then Monday morning comes. I wake up to a red streak, running from where I was punctured for three viles of blood, and up nearing my armpit. Well, I obviously haven't watched HOUSE enough recently because after visiting the walk-in clinic this morning (as you can imagine the red streak hadn't gone away. In fact it had swelled a bit more), I find out I have an infection in my arm. And the red streak was a sign of the crap travelling to my lymph nodes to fight the infection.

*pause to faint or take a shot*

If I had let it go they said it could have spread throughout my entire arm. Don't ask me what kind of infection it was. Don't ASK me what would have happened to my poor arm had I not done something about it. (aaaaaah!!!) Could have been STAFF. I will find out more details in the morning. I was just too shocked and nervous when I heard what they were telling me that all I could say was.....ANTIBIOTICS NOW!!!!

So I am on antibiotics three times a day for ten days.

Infections suck. But I am feeling better. Groggy, but better. Thank you to Chris for being a hypochondriac and wanting to take me to the ER last night and convinced me that the walk-in was necessary. Whew!

the graduate

just a quick note to commemorate a momentous occasion... last sunday, may 6th, was erika's graduation from UConn. nice ceremony and a good speaker... just a few too many beach balls for my taste.

after the ceremony we celebrated with a whole lotta good mexican food... tio yuri gave a toast that brought tears to young girls' eyes... i think it's safe to say good times were had by all.

others took more pictures, but here's one of the few that i got...

I'm up late

I'm killing time while I copy my BEST lessons onto videotape. Thanks Gianki! Having them on DVD is making the process so much easier. Oh and thanks Mom and Dad! If you hadn't let me use this DVD/VCR contraption of yours, the process would have been far more complicated. So now I'm literally wrapping the thing up. I want it out of my hands tomorrow, but I will be happy with having it completed and neatly packaged, ready to be taken to the post office on Saturday. As long as it's done tomorrow, I'll have peace. I'll let you know if my goal is met. Right now my feeling is, it doesn't matter how late I stay up tonight, it'll all be worth it just to be rid of this monster! I'll post again soon.

rain sucks

so, "bridal week" started on saturday, which meant that i had to go into work on sunday to capture some footage and make some dubs. it was raining. i got in about noon, was done by 4, and made my way back to grand central as quickly as i could. not quickly enough, as it turned out.

my train made it a little past 125th street in Harlem and then just stopped. there was flooding up ahead. after about 30 minutes, we made our way back to 125th so that people could get off the train if they wanted to try their luck getting out of the city by some other means. after another half hour with no luck clearing the flooding on the part of the MTA, the train was sent back to grand central.

no trains were getting out of manhattan... at least, not for a while. i grabbed some food, went back to the office (it was 6:30 by then) and settled in for some dinner while watching a copy of "300" (not bad, not great either). it just wound up being more convenient to settle in for the night at B, so i crashed on a couch in one of the edit rooms.

had to spend all day at work on monday in the same clothes i'd slept in, not having showered, and worst of all, without my ipod or a book for the ride home (i'd left my ipod at home because i didn't want it getting wet, and i'd finished the book i was reading before going to sleep sunday night)... all because of some stupid water. rain sucks.

by the way, today i started a new book: World War Z - An Oral History of the Zombie War. It's by Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks, but don't let this fool you into thinking it's comedic... more "28 Days Later" than "Shawn of the Dead". and so far it's good. real good.

Casino night!

Last night the casino came to us... we got together to watch the incomparable Daniel Craig portray James Bond in Casino Royale! First to arrive was Gianki, then Tio Yuri, who took us to get coffee and a treat, which we enjoyed as the film began. Paola and Chris arrived about a quarter into it. We hung to the edge of our seats amidst ooh's, aah's, and eek's! We all agreed Casino Royale is one for the home shelf. It's just a bonus that Daniel Craig looks so, so nice. Yes James, we did notice. After a bit of chit chat, Tio suggested we go out for a drink, which we did minus Gianki. It was lots of fun, but lacking the stamina of true Bond dames and gents, we were all ready to turn in after just one.

Thanks for the fun and the company! We've got to do this again!

Rayando

allí estamos, los tres hermanos... y si se fijan, detrás mío, en las tinieblas, sandro.

esa foto la tomamos sentados en la fila H de las sección 332 de Madison Square Garden, minutos antes de un concierto fenomenal: Maná.
si tienen la oportunidad de verlos en vivo, se los recomiendo... ¡enfáticamente! empezaron con "déjame entrar" a eso de las 8:30, y no pararon hasta casi las 11. casi dos horas y media de puro rock latino... y un par de rancheras... ¿que se puede hacer? son mexicanos, pues.

no se si Fher alguna vez supo bailar... pero la verdad es que ahora no puede. no me malentiendan, me encantó verlo mover los brazos como si fueran alas, y hacer su "strut" de un lado a otro... pero eso no es bailar. total, ¿qué importa? ¡tiene su voz!

hubo humo,















hubo fuego,















y, no tengo foto, pero hubo agua. al parecer, para Fher "no ha parado de llover". crearon una cortina de agua, detrás de la cual él se puso a cantar... y de verlo en los monitores gigantes que hay a cada lado del escenario, de veras parecía que estaba lloviendo.


pero para ser completamente honesto, creo que lo mejor del concierto fue ver a Alex tocando la batería... ese tipo está loco. ahora entiendo porque lo llaman "el animal"... ¡tuvo un solo de batería de diez minutos!!!! y, hasta anoche, nunca supe que él cantaba algunas de las canciones... anoche cantó "me vale" y "tú me salvaste". bien chevere.

claro que dos horas y media no fueron suficientes para tocar todas las canciónes que queríamos oír... ese concierto hubiese durado 5 o 6 horas, fácil. pero creo que lo que más enojó a pao es que no pudo ser ella la chica que subió al escenario a ser serenada por Fher y Sergio (el guitarrista). la proxima vez tendremos que sentarnos más cerca.

pero es difícil verlos de cerca, pues, obviamente no somos sus únicos fans. como pueden ver, anoche nos acompañó toda la población mexicana de nueva york:
¡que buen concierto!

A good one!

I had a good day. It's been a while coming, but I actually had a very good day at work. Tuesdays are not usually a day when we accomplish much since we have a lot of scheduled interruptions, but today we got so much done! We even introduced a new, much anticipated Work Station, called Puzzles and Games! Joy! And here's the real kicker... we went outside to play!! I'm starting to get nervous about tomorrow, because you know they say if it seems too good to be true, it probably is... but I'm putting an end to that negativity in order to savor this day of days (after all, they're not too easy to come by). In case you're wondering how this productive day of bliss could possibly be... my little runt was absent today. And so I'm off to the gym to release some endorphins, and thus enjoy more of the happiness so befitting to this splendid occasion. Adio!!!

Gargle with salt water

My THROAT HURTS! and I have a cold. I'm sick..boooooo!!! i think i'm going to go to Stamford later and buy my computer. So I can work from home when I am feeling like poopies. We'll see. I have to take my DayQuil now. Hold on...

Ok I took it. Chris just got home and is babying me...muaaaahahahahaha muAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! jejejeje *cough* *cough* *cough* :)

Here is a few pictures of us in Peru for those who haven't seen it yet. Can you tell I'm sick, I can't even stay on my blog topic. ON TO HAPPIER STUFF...PERU!! We had such a great time. Chris can't stop talking about when we're going back and what we're going to do. and checking online for deals.

La familia! Dia 1

Chessssu que churros....

Coolest picture EVER!

Plaza de Armas, Lima. Despues de ver el cambio de guardia.

Happy Anniversary!!

Gracias por nuestra lindisima familia! No saben cuanto los queremos y extranamos. Espero que hayan celebrado su dia con muchisima alegria, y sintiendo el amor de sus pichoncitos, que nunca dejamos de pensar carinosamente en ustedes.

Progress!

So, remember my little runt? Well, today she had her psychiatric consultation!! Which meant that every spare minute of my day was spent meeting with the gentleman evaluator, but it was sooo well worth it! Do I seem a little excited? I am. It just feels so good to hear a thoughtful and educated person give the situation the degree of concern it deserves, and come back with a diagnosis that rings true. Over the course of the day he met with every relevant person, including the little one, mom, administrators, social workers, psychologists, and me. He even came in for a twenty minute observation during class. At the end of it all he gave us his evaluation and recommendations. We also discussed what could be if mom doesn't follow through with the recommended action (as often is the case with her).... it would be too terrible, I can't think about it, it makes me sick.
He also said that he believed my style is exactly what she needs... and said that I should be given an aid at least part time! Ha! Wouldn't that be nice. Anyway, it was encouraging to have an expert come in and publicly affirm what I am doing for this child. God knows it takes up a good chunk of my energy. Well guys, I'm ready to hit it. I've still got some setting up to do before I go, so I'm going to get to it.
Wish me luck, I'm going skiing this weekend! (You can start praying over my soar limbs.)

Sola, triste, y abandonada...

Todos se me han ido al Peru, y yo aqui sumergida en tantisimo trabajo. Paopi, te extrano!! Hoy voy a pasar por tu casa a prender el carro y chequear tu correo... I hope I pull into the right driveway! hehehe. Ustedes seguro saben que esta semana estoy grabando para mi BEST portfolio. Una colega me dio buen consejo hoy dia. Me hizo acordar que no tengo porque estresarme tanto por este video, si la mayoria de lo que van a evaluar es lo escrito. A fin de cuentas, los evaluadores solo saben lo que yo les digo, y en la universidad me ensenaron a B.S. muy bien. No, no es verdad. They didn't teach me to B.S., I just did it, and was rewarded, so I got better. hehehe. No, no, I'm actually not a terrible teacher, so my lessons are pretty good. Having pretty good lessons doesn't diminish my work load, though! And today! Ajjjj! I was hoping to get my 15 minutes of uncut streaming footage today, and guess what happened....The battery runs out! Are you kidding?? I had it plugged in last night and this morning, and the battery dies??? What that means is, my initial instruction was interrupted, AND we were only able to focus in on one group during their independent work. We were supposed to be able to go from group to group to capture our brilliant discourse, but now I'll just have to wait and see when I get home and watch it.
But I'm not playing around about feeling stranded... between my work load, and Garett's super late nights due to Spankin' New Week (haha...or something), and Pao gone, and Gianki about to be gone, and knowing everyone's all together in my favorite place without me... ayayay... I think I just made myself feel worse.
Not to worry though, I've got my work to distract me! Thanks for the call last night, Mami y Papi.... can't wait for the next one!

I feel dreadful!

So you all know the little girl in my classroom I lovingly refer to as "my runt." Remember, she got passed around from class to class, and even school to school, until she ended up with me. Well, on an average day, she is simply annoying and disruptive. As I feared, her presence has completely altered the dynamic of my classroom. She certainly functions far better with us than she has anywhere else, but unfortunately, because of her, we are noticeably less efficient than we used to be. Even considering the other trouble kids, we were building a system that worked for us. Still, everyone needs a home, a place to feel welcome, and I am more than happy to provide this place for her. But it is so difficult! She doesn't do herself any favors, either. She creates conflict and is a constant disruption and distraction. She is not emotionally in touch, so she feels no guilt or remorse... imagine trying to discipline and mold her behavior so that she can be successful! Without a doubt one of my most challenging tasks. Thankfully, she will finally receive her psychological consultation in a couple of weeks. I truly hope it leads to her receiving the services she needs, because even though I know I am a significant and positive presence for her, she needs more than I can give her. Anyway, point being, I had to be so hard on her today. I spoke more forcefully than I've had to speak to any child, or any person for that matter. She was completely out of control, and I knew I had to do it, but I literally had to brace myself. Even though they were just a few words, they took so much out of me. I let her sit in the office alone until the end of the day (devastating for her, because she thrives on attention). When I picked her up she acknowledged her words and actions, and apologized and promised she would never behave that way again. Sadly, I've heard it all many times before. I told her I accepted her apology, but I wasn't sure I believed her anymore. She says tomorrow she's going to show me that she means it.
I'm trying to remain hopeful. I hate feeling this jaded.

CIAO, CARA FAMIGLIA!!!

Well, I finally did it . . . I think! Vamos a ver. After joining the blog I kept fishing around for how to enter a new message. Boy was I slow! I was rather embarrassed when I figured it out; after all, pretty user friendly. As you know, Mom went off to Lima yesterday, and though it´s only been a day, I find her being away difficult to get used to. As I mentioned last night, I kept wondering how I took the separation for a year in Afghanistan! Lots of folks do it, of course, but at this stage in life we don´t plan on doing it too often. Started reading Jimmy Carter´s Palestine Peace Not Apartheid. Glad you sent it down! I´ll keep this short since we have already had about 4 short apagones today. Not been the norm recently, but it´s a lot more like when we first arrived. Like old times, no es cierto? Let´s see if this first message gets posted. DADAAAA!

Not much to tell... but I'm telling it anyway....

OK, so I finally check my email and this is what I find!!! woohoo! Well, unfortunately I have nothing to tell. No drunk girls rearranging my bathroom. No disorderly kids giving me a migraine. Hmmm...but I am doing good at work. Some templates that I worked on with my friend Em from work came back with no revisions. So apparently we did something right! :) And now I'm working on a Nascar Template for 2007. Trying to get into a racecar drivers head. whatever. zoom zoom... a few flares here...Kasey Khane's floating head...hahahah oh, that would only make sense if you saw some things that our client put together as an example. Hm. Oops.

But other than that just getting ready for my Peru trip. Almost there. only two weeks left.

OH WAIT! i just got a "save the date" thing and Alexandra Arens is getting married in October in Peru. i guess I'll just have to go again in October! :)

Alright, i hope I have bored you to tears. And hopefully you won't bash me on the head the next time you see me. Ok, now I must go back to dishes and making my eggplant bake...trying to get lunch/dinner prepared for the rest of the week. So far I've only gotten my pasta with tuna sauce all set.

Love yous. Byeeeee!

odd night

this is gonna sound made up, but it’s not. friday night, just before 4am, I was awakened by the sound of my doorbell ringing non-stop. thinking it might be my landlady with some emergency, I stumble half awake to the door, but when I open it I find three drunk girls looking for someone I’ve never heard of (two of them had bottles of beer and were smoking). i’m about to close the door, when they ask for lucy, mirella’s daughter, saying they used to live here with her. so they know my landlady and her daughter. i tell them lucy doesn’t live here anymore, and am again about to close the door when they start begging to come in to use the bathroom.

in my right mind i probably wouldn’t have let them in, but i was half asleep, in a daze. two of them went into the bathroom together, while the other told me about how my room used to be hers like 15 years ago, and she’d painted the room purple, and the ceilings had been yellow, and there’d been, like, 17 people living in the basement, and bla, and bla, and bla… and finally we realize her friends are taking a while. so she knocks on the door, and they come out. as I’m escorting them out, one of them says, “i wonder why mirella didn’t answer her doorbell?” ya think it might have something to do with it being 4am?

at this point i have to piss, so i go into the bathroom and find everything that i keep on the sink (toothpaste, razor, shaving cream) in the cabinet under the sink, and everything that goes in the cabinet is either in the sink, on the floor, or in the shower! stupid drunk girls. a very odd night.

Long week...

I've just come to the end of what has felt like a very long week. I'm beyond exhausted! Today the kids were really off their rocker because of the sprinkling of snow we finally got. I cannot describe the excitement. Too bad, when we walked outside the sun had melted all of it away. I personally can't wait for another dose of the white stuff, but let's make it for real next time. Another reason why the kids were a little crazed is because I was gone all morning, with a sub covering my class. All the K-1 teachers had to attend a demonstration lesson by a representative of the National Urban Alliance (NUA). It's basically the next thing that's going to turn Bridgeport schools around. Actually, the presentation and debriefing were excellent. I got so much out of it, and was really pumped to do some teaching.....only to come back to a group of super anxious kiddies. Oh well, so it goes, it's Friday. I'm off now, with a not-so-friendly headache that's come to keep me company, and a lovely couch waiting to coax me into a much needed nap.

Welcome! Bienvenidos!

I've been thinking recently about how expensive and complicated it has become for us all to keep each other up-to-date on all the big and little things we have going on. Now, this blog could never replace the sound of your voices, and email is still great, but here is something new. I know when I have big news, after I've told two or three people, I'm kinda bored of my own story. Here's a place to get the word out to a bunch of us, all at once. Even if there is no news, and all you have is a thought that won't quit running around your head...share it! Whether it's a happy post or a frustrated one, family is here to share the joy and the burden, so post away!

I realize I have very few family email adresses (my point exactly), so please send any you have my way, and I will invite them to join our blog!